Friday Five

1. 

I quit Facebook.

And the obvious question to this statement is why?
And I thought the answer to that was complex, but really it is pretty simple:
I have slowly come to realize over the past few weeks what I have known all along: Facebook isn't making me happier.

I have had a couple conversations with friends recently where the honest-to-God actual answer to their discontent/anxiety/you-name-it is "Stop getting on Facebook."
And it applies to me too.
I am happy with my life. There are obviously things I would love to be different (bye bye 20+ pounds, hello Jamaica, etc) but I am definitely a content person. Yet sometimes I log on to Facebook wanting to return a message or post a picture of my kid being cute and I leave with a bad taste in my mouth.
Sometimes that taste is jealousy. 
I am done having kids. I don't want any more babies. Why am I jealous of this acquaintance and their new baby?
Sometimes it's frustration.
Seriously, so-and-so keeps f*ing up her life royally and our family member just keeps rewarding her bad behavior!
Sometimes it's mommy guilt.
Look at those DisneyLand photos. I hope my kids like camping. In tents. For free. 
And other times it is just the inadequacy you feel from seeing the "perfect" picture painted by all your Facebook friends. 

We live in a keepin'-up with the Joneses society and Facebook feeds into that. Even if I am happy with myself and my life, some of those feelings creep in even when I log on quickly. And I don't think it is just me. Study after study gets play on the news, correlating feelings of unhappiness with social media such as Facebook. 

I am happy to hear from my friends and family about their happy news - engagements and babies and new homes and promotions and awesome vacations - all that.
Because we are friends. And I am actually happy for them.
It's all the extra. The stuff I wouldn't hear about if there weren't Facebook.
I want to hear about the real stuff, not read the picture-perfect airbrushed version that gets posted online.

What finally solidified my choice was talking to a friend who had to give up Facebook awhile ago for legal reasons. When I asked her how she felt about it, she replied that it was hard at first and family members gave her grief about how they needed Facebook to stay in touch and keep up with her family.
But then a great thing happened:
People sent handwritten letters.
They sent cards.
They emailed.
They picked up the phone and called.
She started having real interaction with people again.

In essence, the people who actually care about you are going to make the effort. And the rest? The rest were just your Facebook "friends." And in my case, I write this blog for family and friends so that they can see photos and read little stories and hear about what is going on in our lives. I'm not dropping off the face of the earth.
And who knows how long my deactivated status will last?
All those cat memes are pretty great - I might be back...

2.
A slightly-sad/slightly-amazing thing happened this week:
Graham's off the boob.
He turned 15 months old and decided enough was enough.
His sippy cup has officially taken over my position.

I have mixed emotions.
I was ready to have my body back to myself, but it's a little odd. Like, what shirt do I wear now?
(I kid, I kid. Sort of...)
I have been pregnant or breastfeeding nonstop since June of 2009. It's no wonder I have a non-existent wardrobe.

The transition was easy, for which I am glad. He is happy and doesn't seem to miss it.
The part I am going to miss the most is the fact that while he was nursing it was easy to pretend he was still my little baby.
But he isn't.
The first year of his life flew by faster than it seemed to with our others. Probably because he is the baby. And because he is our last.

I can honestly say that breastfeeding my kids has been one of the best parts of being a mom. It sounds crazy to some, but for me it's true.
Those quiet moments, snuggling your baby, providing something only you can provide... there is nothing like it.
There is no way to describe it to someone.

I have no plans to nurse another child, so that makes those particular memories just a little bit more special. So it is with a sadness/happiness mixture that I bid a big farewell to the Boppy and my used-and-abused nursing camis. You were all so very good to me.
But now I can drink a delicious cocktail whenever I want with zero guilt.  Win for me.


3.
This past week we held our 2nd Annual Shrimp Fest at our home.
Okay, just kidding, it's really not that cool.
Last year my parents were in Louisiana and Mississippi on vacation and brought back fresh shrimp. Since my mom hates seafood, my dad asked Jared to cook it up for him. There was a large amount so we invited over my grandparents and Justy too. We made some fettuccine alfredo along with the shrimp so that those who can't/won't eat shrimp had something to eat as well.
No one went south this winter, so we had to settle with shrimp from Hy-Vee. Whatevs. It was still delicious.

And afterward we ended up watching the movie Uncle Buck in its entirety.

So random.
Because that is how we roll apparently.
I hadn't seen that movie in a long, long time and enjoyed quite a few laughs. Particularly the part about Felix, because I am a perv.

4.
I read this blog last night about giving up something for Lent. Wow, this is me.
It is a humorous blog and the author was writing that what she should really give up for Lent is the last hour of the day that she is awake. That last hour when she does nothing beneficial, just sits around watching House Hunters or other worthless TV while browsing the internet and laying on the couch thinking about how she should be in bed already.
Me.
Right here.
I do that all the time.
And every day when I wake up tired and slightly cranky, I tell myself, "I am going to go to bed at a decent hour tonight. I am going to get in bed early!" and it never happens. I like my personal time too much.
Jared leaves for work at 10 pm and "me time" truly begins.
No kids, no husband.
And clearly no time management.
Before I know it it is 11:30. How did that happen? Oh well, it doesn't matter because I am totally going to bed early tonight.

5.
I have been stumbling across a lot of quotes this week.
I have a daily devotional my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas that eerily seems to apply to my life daily. I will turn to the designated day and then so many times the story and verse correspond to exactly what I was needing to hear.

I also was reading a blog (actually the same one I mentioned in #4) and it quoted someone named Terry Pratchett, and while I have no idea who that dude is, I like the quote:

"Poison goes where poison's welcome." 

And really, it's just so true. 
So many times in life we experience negative things and wonder why it's happening. And while it doesn't explain everything, it explains a lot of the drama we have in our own lives. Because drama goes where drama is welcome. This probably ties in to #1 on this list, because without Facebook, I have exposure to so much less drama. And quite honestly, I think that is a good thing. 

Thoughts on extended breastfeeding

A year has come and gone, and as of tomorrow, our little man will be 14 months old.
I don't know how it happened, but in the blink of an eye he went from chunky 10-pounder to a lanky, completely mobile toddler.

And now Graham and I are at a place I was never at with my other two: 
still breastfeeding.

{As I am sure most of you know, Bailey never could nurse due to her cleft. 
And Avery quit at 11 months and some change, mostly because of her love of table food, but my pregnancy with Graham probably contributed as well. Either way nursing was a thing of the past by this stage of the game.}

It's an interesting thing nursing past a year...
In our culture here in the United States, a year seems to be the gold standard for breastfeeding. It's the ideal you hear talked about, the goal doctors mention as "best for baby." You nurse to a year and you've made it. You hit the target so you're done, right?

Not necessarily.

My goal with each breastfed kid has been a year.
But now I have reached that goal. And it isn't like the day before his birthday he is able to happily nurse away and the next he is cut off because he reached the year mark.
I haven't ever been one of those people who expressed a true desire to nurse past a year, it just kinda happened. And now that I am here, I am fine with it.

Nothing really changed for Graham and I. 
Yes, now that he is over a year, he eats more table foods. He doesn't nurse as often or for as long. (At this age he is a pro at sucking down a milky snack very quickly.) Once in a while he resorts to "acrobatic nursing" - which basically means he likes to try and nurse from every conceivable position: upside down, standing, you name it. (The kid is creative.) He will take a bottle or sippy cup with some of my freezer-stock pumped milk without protest. I can go quite a long time between feedings.

But it seems like the year mark changes things in some people's minds. 
I know many people think it is "weird." Like I will still be nursing him at age 10 if I don't stop right now. I think some worry that if I don't cut it off right here and now, I will become one of "those moms" that people -especially other mothers - tend to talk about. The ones who are breastfeeding their 5 year-old on a park bench. (No worries, that isn't my thing, but more power to those mamas!)

I get very annoyed with the suggestion that I am still breastfeeding in order to "keep him a baby" for longer. Believe me, if he didn't want to keep doing it, he wouldn't. Avery is a prime example of that. And I think all moms, especially those of us on our last baby, have a bit of a desire to savor these last "baby" moments. But that is not my reasoning for extended breastfeeding.

Even people who have been supportive in the past tend to get awkward and give off the "please tell me you're quitting soon" vibe. 
Have I thought about it? Yes. 
Would I like the freedom of not having to worry about nursing at all? Sure.
Am I excited at the thought of burning every piece of nursing-friendly clothing? Absolutely. 
Does that mean I am going to stop right now? Probably not. 
Breast milk still serves a purpose. It is good for him. And it is working for Graham and me and our family, and that is what counts. 

So when it comes down to it, 
how long will I continue to nurse?

Truthfully, I am not 100% sure. 
I am hoping he will self-wean, meaning he will just taper off naturally and decide for himself when he is done. From what I have read, many babies will do this by 15-18 months. By that stage, some kids will just nurse in the morning and/or at night. So it's not like this huge commitment I shudder to contemplate. 
If he wants to continue, I might let him up to 2 years old. Who's to say how I will feel in a few months? I might really, really be over it. Or I might feel fine continuing with 1 or 2 times a day. 

No matter what, it is a personal parenting choice. 
(Which usually means that everyone and their mom has their own opinions and feels the need to let you know what you "should" be doing...)
But when it comes down to it, I will be fine either way. 
Although a little self-weaning might enable me to burn those dreaded nursing tanks sooner than anticipated... :)

Nursing in Public (or NIP ... how appropriate, right?)

Twice yesterday on Facebook I saw derogatory references to women nursing their babies in public.

One was a male posting about the "inappropriateness" of a mother feeding her baby in a store. The other I came across while reading a humorous post by a mommy blogger/author - a post that had nothing to do with breastfeeding whatsoever. One commenter apparently looked at (aka - "creeped") another woman's Facebook photos and found one of her breastfeeding, and then used that photo as justification to call her "classless" in order to make a point on some other unrelated issue. I didn't read much beyond that, just enough to see another comment written by the original creepin' lady defending herself saying that she was "fine with breastfeeding as long as it's done behind closed doors."

Well, I have a problem with that.
I don't live my life 100% "behind closed doors" and neither does my baby. And why should I?
Should I be confined to my bedroom until I give up breastfeeding in order to resume a normal life?
Is the inch of mammary tissue that *might* be seen for a split second really doing irreparable damage to innocent people?
Are you telling me you would rather listen to a baby cry at the top of its lungs than catch a peak of a mother nursing out of the corner of your eye?

And when did feeding your baby become "inappropriate"?

I know ZERO breastfeeding moms that are thinking Oh, please strangers, please notice me as I attempt to feed my baby in a less-than ideal location. Please look at me as I fumble with my shirt and stupid nursing cover. Please observe how my child is being less than cooperative and thwarting my every attempt to cover him. Please everybody, I am dying for your attention! Check out my milk-filled breast!
In reality, all of us are trying very hard to not be noticed.

And then there are the poor moms who never feel comfortable NIP.
Maybe they don't want to feel like people are looking at them funny or maybe they don't want to make other people uncomfortable. Or it might be just a personal thing that they themselves aren't comfortable with. And I get that. It was awkward the first few times when I nursed in public with Avery. It is like any other skill, it takes some getting used to. And to a certain extent, you have to get thicker skin. Is there a chance that someone might give you a dirty look or say something rude? Sure. But there are times when you don't have much choice, even if you'd prefer not to nurse in public.
So you face the choice: what do you care more about, feeding your child or protecting some stranger's idea of modesty?

Personally I feel that if people have a problem, it's just that. THEIR problem, not mine.

You don't like it? Feel free not to stare at my chest then. Problem solved.

Honestly in this day and age, any kid can turn on A&E to an episode of Intervention and see someone shooting heroin into their vein. This is socially acceptable television, but a mom quietly feeding her baby on a bench at the mall is inappropriate?

But there is also the other end of the spectrum. I have heard some moms tell stories of getting positive feedback. The more of us that ignore the negative criticism and just feed our babies when they need to eat (because seriously this is about a baby needing to eat, remember?), the more we are helping to make nursing in public more socially acceptable.
I personally love seeing women NIP. I sort of want to go up to them and be all like, "I know how hard and awkward this can sometimes be, but I think you are awesome. Rock on!" *Attempt fist bump* (And then awkwardly walk away....)

I must say that I have had way more positive feedback and looks than negative ones. I nursed Graham on our plane ride to Colorado both there and back. On the way out I sat next to a woman; on the way back I sat next to a man. Neither of them acted like I was doing anything out of the ordinary. We made the usual plane small talk, and it was no big thing.
I nurse Graham in front of both of my grandpas - men in their mid-70s. Neither one of them has ever acted uncomfortable for even a second, and believe me when I say that I would be able to tell with these two! It's just what I do to feed him, and everybody - including the older men I'm related to - is cool with that. 

And that is all nursing moms want: for it to be no big deal. What we don't want is to feel like we need to go hide away in some nasty public bathroom, because I am telling ya right now, I am NEVER doing that. Ever. Unless it's one of those ritzy bathrooms with an elegant little sitting room in the front of it. And if that's the case, you can find me there setting up shop with my ass firmly planted in a comfy seat with my feet up.

I am interested to see what other people think - men and women alike. Not just parents, but those without kids and single people too.
When/if you see someone nursing her baby in public, what runs through your mind?
Do you think that it's awesome?
Do you take offense?
Do you not even think about it because it barely registers or because it just isn't an issue?
Do you wish she was somewhere else more private?
Do you want to give her a high-five and a "Good work, Mama!"?
Tell me what you think.

Bottle Drama

I didn't realize how difficult this could really be.

Babies just take bottles, right?

Wrong!

We are having major bottle drama.

Mr. Man doesn't think it is necessary (or even humane) for him to have to learn how to take a bottle.

We have tried for weeks.

And we have tried quite a few options.

A few nights ago I even dug out Bailey's special cleft bottles to see if they would work. He wouldn't even take those!

It is so frustrating. 

 

And I know he is frustrated too; he doesn't understand why he can't just have the boob whenever he wants it.
A drive up window serving perfectly warm breast milk 24 hours a day.
He doesn't realize that him being constantly chained to my side is a wee bit annoying. And impractical. Mama would like a night away, and unfortunately the boobs have to come with me.

Today while trying for the umpteenth time with the same bottle, we had a small margin of success.
The girls were watching Sesame Street and Graham heard a song and turned away from me toward the TV. He was distracted so I thought it might be a good chance to try again. While in a TV coma, he absentmindedly let me put the nipple in his mouth and at one point seemed to actually suck on it. A step in the right direction!
{I am taking my victories where I can get them, people.}

The worst part of all this is that to make the transition easier, I am using pumped milk. So I have to pump and store it so that it is in the fridge when we need it. And after all that effort, it sucks to see it wasted when he won't eat any of it.

I definitely do not pump for the fun of it.

Not that it is painful or all that horrible, but it's 15 minutes each time and extra dishes: pump parts, bottles, nipples... All to wash it down the drain or watch it leak out of his mouth while he protests.

I am not sure what else to do - short of buying out the entire bottle aisle at Target.

So if you have been there, I appreciate any advice.

Through researching and talking to the pediatrician's office I feel like we have tried about everything, but ya never know. Some times other moms/caregivers have great tips that could really help out.

Super Mom

Super Mom schedules newborn photos and arrives with a cute little baby and a variety of adorable outfits. Super Mom also uses said photos to send out precious birth announcements to all her family and friends.
Not only have we never done newborn photos, we haven't even really done family photos. {Okay, we tried once and both kids were not having it.} And we also haven't sent out a birth announcement. Ever. I even gave up on sending out Christmas cards this year. Fail.

Super Mom is patient and has more than enough energy to deal with both her newborn and her older children.
Yesterday both Jared and I wondered out loud if it would be child abuse to throw Bailey out in the backyard. And then she purposely dumped her milk out on the floor at supper and we were dangerously close to just taking our chances.

Super Mom entertains her children with educational activities and fun craft ideas - ala Pinterest.
Please. Simba, Ariel, and Lightning McQueen have been our girls' besties going on about 4 weeks now. And I have not one ounce of guilt.

Super Mom's kids always look cute - from their clothes to their hair accessories.
I am pretty sure in the past week that the girls have only worn pajamas, with the exception of times they went to the doctor's office. In fact I know that's right because when I did the laundry, there was a whole lot of footie pj's and about one pair of pants. And hair? Well, taming down Bailey's fro doesn't even make the daily to-do list.

Super Mom cooks a healthy dinner for her family.
Today we had hot dogs and mac-n-cheese. Sadly it was the best the girls have eaten in days. Thank God Jared does 99% of the cooking around here.

Super Mom eats those healthy dinners and takes care to make sure those pregnancy pounds come off quickly.
Not only did I eat the aforementioned mac-n-cheese today, I also had a Reese's mini peanut butter tree for dessert. {Okay, make that two of them.} And as for the pregnancy pounds - I am just going to remain in denial, cross my fingers, and hope that breastfeeding does the trick like last time.

Super Mom makes a point to dress herself and look presentable.
The only shirts I have worn in the past 2 1/2 weeks are from Target. Specifically the nursing section. And they are the world's most boring tank tops with snap-downs. And I own one in every single color available. Oh, and to really jazz it up, I pair them up with one of two zip-front hoodies that I own.  I give myself bonus points if there are no spit-up spots visible.

I hate those women who actually are Super Mom.

I am taking a small victory in the fact that we haven't killed each other and the house is still half-way presentable.
 
FINALLY the entire family seems to be on the mend health-wise. I am blaming a large chunk of my lack of energy and lack of giving-a-damn on the fact that we have spent entirely way too much time at the hospital or in doctor's offices.  Since Graham was born, I think we have only had maybe 3 or 4 days where we didn't make a trip to visit the hospital. It's pretty hard to enjoy your new baby when you are doing a big chunk of your bonding in waiting rooms and super comfortable exam room chairs...

The rest of the time you can find me with my butt firmly planted in our leather recliner.
(Early Christmas present from Cathy. LOVE.)
And if it is around 3 AM, Graham and I are probably both half-asleep, cuddled up in blankets, with my boob hanging out for the world to see. {Thankfully my chair doesn't face a window!} And since Graham absolutely hates a pacifier, he uses me as one. It's all right because, frankly, I am too tired to care. Cuddly, warm little babies make it so hard to stay awake in the wee hours of the morning!

Jared's dad visited from Kansas this past week.
Since Graham's favorite time to sleep is during the day, he got lots of cuddle time in.
(Aka, like 3-plus hours at a time.)

 

 

 

We haven't taken nearly enough pictures the past few weeks.

With every one's snotty, swollen, red noses and nasty coughs, the last thing we have wanted to do is pose for pictures. My goal the next few days is to effectively nag Jared into taking pictures of Graham. Even though I admitted defeat with the Christmas cards this year, we still need to get some cute little baby photos.

 

Almost to the finish line

Before I even write, just want to throw out a big "sorry, awkward" to my dad or any other male relative who is going to blush at just the thought of this topic. 

Breastfeeding

I am afraid that the days of Avery and my boobs having up-close and personal bonding time are drawing to a close. She will be turning a year old in another five or so weeks and lately she has very little interest in hanging out near my chest to gain nourishment. She eats well in the morning and usually one other time, but other than that, she is way too busy to remain still and eat from her mother.

The thought of being done leaves me feeling sad and ecstatic at the same time. Breastfeeding is definitely a love/hate relationship. (although much much much less hate than exclusively pumping. Don't even get me started on that.)

I love that breastfeeding provided her with the best food possible. I love that it has allowed us to have lots of quiet moments together. {Ya know, those precious moments that Pampers wants you to think exist all the time? Yeah those. They really do happen every once in a while, and especially while nursing.} I love that nursing helped me lose all the baby weight, plus the extra 10-plus pounds I had left from Bailey, too. It might have taken 10 months, but it happened! And I really really love how much money we saved from never having to buy formula. Love that.

But as wonderful as those things are, one thing is for certain:
breastfeeding is hard work.
It's definitely not like the rosy picture you have in your head, expecting moms. That one of you and your brand-new baby settling into a nursery chair made out of clouds and rainbows while you lovingly smile down at baby as she eats with ease.

Yeah, it's soooo not that.

Breastfeeding takes patience and perseverance. There are basically hundreds of things you can use to convince yourself to stop in the beginning, with bleeding nipples ranking high on the list.  {Sorry Dad!}

And I am not going to sugarcoat it, the first 2 weeks were just plain awful. Week 3 was better, but still not good. And Week 4 was finally getting to the tolerable stage. I remember Fe looking over at me as I braced myself with a grimace, waiting for Avery to latch on and she was horrified. Why would anyone want to do that?! (Let's just blame the hormones, they are responsible for everything else anyway.) But really, it's worth it. It might not feel like it when you are out buying your 10th bottle of nipple cream that week... but in the end (or at least after the healing), you will be glad you stuck with it.

I didn't really know how it would go, so my realistic goal from the start was 6 months. When I met that goal, I set a new one. A full year. We're at 11 months now, and I will be damned if I quit a month short! :)  I am stubborn like that, and I want to be able to say with pride that I breastfed her for a full year. And maybe this post sounded like I was patting myself on the back, and I am a little. It might sound stupid to some, but I am proud of myself. It was hard work and I stuck with it.

So over the next month or so, I am going to feel it out and start dropping some feedings. I am sure Avery probably won't even notice since she is content eating anything and everything else in sight. It's probably going to be a little bit sad when we are done. Being done means acknowledging that my little baby is getting so big.  I will miss those quiet moments with her...

But on the other hand-

I can't wait to retire every faded, stretched, over-used nursing bra and tank top.

 Hallelujah!