In our family we do this weird thing we call White Trash golfing. It evolved three years ago when my sisters and cousin had nothing to do on a Saturday morning. Someone suggested golf, but everybody looked borderline trashy - cutoff t-shirts, old shoes, hair all a mess. It was suggested they should go anyway and just embrace the white trashy-ness. So they did. And White Trash Golfing was born.
And then there is this couple - newcomers to the event. But from the looks of them you would never know. They just do White Trash so right! I can only hope they look just as ravishing at their upcoming wedding here in a few months.
The next day was mud volleyball. If you recall our team last year was the Bumpin' Amish. This year we went as team Nerds 'N' Nets. And I think we were just as stylish as that sounds.
Are you seeing my sexy husband?? Back off ladies, that geek is all mine!
I like big books and I cannot lie.
Talk nerdy to me.
Another engaged couple. With a picture this perfect, I really hope it makes the wedding slide show!
Nerd Love.
Truth be told, we aren't the best at mud volleyball. We won our first game and lost the two after that. But we don't take it too seriously - it's all for the fun of playing. (And maybe the drinking?) However, we did win for Best Team Uniform, so those trips to Goodwill really paid off.
The After look:
It was a fun time and worth the ten million mosquito bites and the 20 minute shower afterward.
My sister Justy likes to reread this particular post whenever she needs a good laugh at my expense. Anyway, just the other day it became fairly obvious that Bailey remembers this day very, very well. I was sitting on the couch in the living room and watched as Bailey threw her stuffed pig down the staircase. It tumbled down each step and she calmly walked down to where it was resting on the landing. Then, in a high-pitched voice, she said as the pig, "Jared, No! I don't need an ambulance! That costs money!" Then she replied, as Jared, "I don't care. I am calling right now!"
She proceeded to end her phone call with the ambulance, load the paralyzed pig onto a stretcher (aka a folded blanket), and carry it to the waiting ambulance (aka the toy box). I hate to even admit how extremely accurate her reenactment was... But damn was it hilarious. I love how my 4 year-old captured just how much of a tight-ass her mother is. Bravo Bailey.
A big thanks to the Today Show. If it wasn't for you, I might never have had a name for my disorder:
Bitchy Resting Face.
The video clearly describes my cross to bear as someone suffering from BRF. I can look bitchy no matter what I am doing: reading the paper, watching tv, mowing the lawn, doing the dishes... {Although those last few might deserve a little BRF action.}
No, I am not upset. I'm not angry at anyone. Stop asking if something is wrong. I just have Bitchy Resting Face, okay?!
After showing the BRF video to Jared, he suggested I make a video of BRF's cousins - my specialties: slow bitch blink and slow bitch breath. And then I promptly did both in response. Unintentionally I swear!
Hmmm... maybe I actually suffer from BPS. Bitchy Person Syndrome.... I kid... I kid...
I swear I am a nice enough person. (Because high school doesn't count.)
So if you come across me walking down the street or in the supermarket line, I am not a bitch. It's just my BRF. Unless you are in front of me paying with four different credit cards after spending 10 minutes arguing over a coupon for a can of beans - then this bitchy look is definitely a special one just for you.
While playing on the floor with Graham, Avery comes up and throws a book in my direction. It hits my hand.
Me: "Avery, we don't throw things. The book hit Mommy and it hurt. You need to say you are sorry.
Avery looks at me with zero remorse, says "ok" and picks up the book. She proceeds to kiss the book and gives it a hug. "I am sorry book." Another kiss.
And a huge mischievous grin. Me struggling to hide my laughter. Repeats her apology. "I am very sorry book." Repeats kiss. Another naughty grin.
Bailey: (poking Aunt Justy in the chest) I poked your boob!
Justy: That isn't nice. We don't poke people there.
Bailey: (very seriously) Ohhhh! I will poke MY boob. Wait! I don't have boobs.... Wait! I do. They are just really tiny. (shakes head matter-of-factly)
Positive Self-image
Bailey staring into her play vanity mirror: "You are so pretty! Bailey, you are pretty. You are beautiful... I love me!"
I pray she keeps thinking this for years and years to come.
I randomly stumbled across a new blog called Baby Sideburns through a Facebook friend. I clicked on the following article and was literally laughing out loud. Jared had to tell me to knock it off because I was annoying him.
And it is mainly funny because it is just So True!
Parents out there, I dare you to read it and disagree.
My favorite was #5. Bailey always catches me in the act. How does she know?! And Jared is definitely more than guilty of #8, especially when it is Book #7,246 of the night. Oh, and #3? Change "dressing" to "feeding" and you have breakfast with Bailey. And lunch. And supper...
Be forewarned, the author does like her swear words. But then again, who doesn't? The medical profession is full of foul-mouthed people - and I am talking about us nurses, not the patients. {Although I had my fair share of cuss-outs working at my first job on 5 West.}
And don't take it too seriously.
Of course I love my kids, but certain aspects of mamahood aren't all that magical, and I find it quite hilarious to read that someone else is having the same thoughts I have on occasion. Hope you have a good laugh too!
On Tuesday this week I had an OB appointment. I am now 24 weeks along.
It was nothing exciting - just the usual:
weight (total gained of 20 lbs, although none gained in the past 6 weeks...clearly I put it on early!)
measurements (right on track)
and baby's heart rate (142)
Then a quick reference to my blood sugars:
Doc: How have your sugars been?
Me: They have been great.
Doc: Good.
[End of discussion.]
Seriously, he could at least feign some interest. He is my doctor after all! Isn't he at least supposed to pretend to care?? I feel bad for a first-time pregnant diabetic mom using this office...
{This isn't the first time I have said a silent prayer of thanks that I had my first two kids in Omaha with outstanding prenatal care and an amazing endocrinology team.}
The visits are usually pretty short. And honestly, my OB isn't my favorite doctor ever. My first impression wasn't great, but being high-risk severely limits my options. This isn't Omaha and I am kind of stuck with who I have.
And speaking of first impressions...
He is looking over my labs and remarking about how well I am doing and says to me out of the blue: "I have to be honest, when you walked in here for your first visit and I looked over your history, I thought to myself, 'Wow, another non-compliant patient. She is going to be a total train wreck.' But you aren't. You could probably be teaching my other patients how this is done. I guess I have to admit I was wrong." What?!
First of all, who even says that?!
And second of all, I truly can't believe he even thought that.
I work in health care. We all make snap judgments on patients from the first moment we see them, especially if you've read a particularly juicy H&P. But really??? What exactly made me seem like I would be a "train wreck"?
I showed up the week before for a patient "interview" where I gave them my complete health history. I even had all my previous prenatal records and labs faxed to the office beforehand (which clearly he didn't look at). I arrived early, with Jared in tow, for my first appointment. And compared to the collection of visible Pooh tattoos and stained sweatpants-turned-cut-off-shorts I saw in the waiting room, I would say I was dressed very nicely. When I met my doctor, we chatted about how both Jared and I are nurses and how we previously worked at the Med Center, where he completed his residency. My labs have always been in the excellent range during both pregnancies, just as they are now.
I literally laughed when he said this to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I am far from non-compliant and probably a tad more on the overzealous side.
When I told my mom about it, she replied, "Did you tell him that your first impression was that he was an ass? Because one of you was right." Yep. Kinda true...
Jared - the man who is going to be really good at playing with dolls and hosting pretend tea parties someday.
I love to watch you chase our girls around the house while they run and scream with laughter. I love how you read them books. And sing songs. And curl up on the couch to watch "toons" with Bailey.
It melts my heart to remember how they curled up to sleep on your chest when they were itty-bitty babies.
You have taken a lot of grief from us over the years, especially regarding your fashion sense (hiked up shorts and long white socks with sandals)or your infamous words that even the extended family has taken to quoting:
"You know my hole!"
"Junk has really gone up in value."
"I have a weak stream."
"Dar - short for Delvin."
"You know how to drive a truck with no brakes, right?"
And my cousin Alan's personal favorite: "Those kids were tubing down the river!"
Okay, so not funny to almost everyone else, but I am sure my family will have a laugh remembering all the random moments when these were blurted out.We always have a good laugh at the things he says {especially if he is not meaning to be funny}, but his comments live on: poor Bailey was lovingly called "Dar" in utero for a good 9 months.
Me and Dad - June 2008
I will always love this picture. Not necessarily because it's some stunning piece of photography or anything, but because of the story it brings to mind...
We were standing in the stairwell of the church on my wedding day. The bridesmaids and groomsmen were taking their places and we were up next. My friend Holly had her camera and wanted to snap a quick picture before my dad walked me down the aisle. My dad was looking particularly nervous and almost uncomfortable.
Holly said my dad, "Jeff, what's the matter? Are you okay?"
To which he replied, "I've got the nervous farts!"
Seriously - who mentions farts seconds before walking his daughter down the aisle?! All three of us cracked up. We had a good laugh and it made walking in front of all those people a little easier.
Thank you Dad for all that you have done for all 4 of your girls. Thank you, not only for the laughs, but for our heated discussions [or arguments as Mom would call them] and the ability to let us be our own people. Thanks for being the dad who played with us in the pool, took us rollerskating every winter, and taught us the value of a hard day's work.
The girls and I started off our weekend on Saturday morning at the Gala Day's parade in Lytton. Bailey got really into the candy collecting thing. So much so that when we tried to empty her overflowing bucket into the stroller, she freaked out and began frantically collecting it from the stroller rather than from the street. Apparently that really set her off because this is the only picture I could get from her:
Doesn't her facial expression just scream "I love parades!" ??
Avery sat back all relaxed and enjoyed the views from her stroller - as long as some Goldfish snacks were within reach. As soon as the candy was collected, she busied herself with trying to sneakily steal a tootsie roll and eat it without me noticing. {Unsuccessfully I might add.}
Later that afternoon after a lunch consisting of hot dogs, nachos and pie, Bailey went on her first carnival rides. She had already mastered the Bouncing Barn (are we in Iowa or what?) and it was time to move on to the elephants. The elephants moved up and down as they went around in a circle and I was chosen to ride along. Grandpa Jeff even went for a ride on the elephants at Bailey's insistance. Unfortunately, there are no photos to document this momentous occasion because Avery passed out in the double stroller and we couldn't reach the camera stored underneath. She napped and missed the kiddie races, which is okay. She totally would have showed up the other crawlers and made them feel bad. Let me tell ya, when Sister puts her head down and really throws it into high gear, there is no catching that crawling machine.
On Sunday afternoon we loaded up in the car and headed for Omaha. We met up at Fe's house and hung out. We did the usual: laughed, ate, and slept. It was a short visit, but after the way both girls behaved while we were at the restaurant Sunday night, everyone was probably okay with that.
And speaking of laughs, Fe had the season finale of American Idol recorded. She wanted to show us a particular part of the show that she thought we might like. And like we did. More like we were all laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes. It's Jennifer Holliday singing a song with the runner-up Idol contestant Jessica. In case you missed it, here it is. And it's hilarious. [You probably need the full-screen version to get the full effect.]
My favorite is the end when the camera is zoomed in on the Idol contestant Jessica and Jennifer Holliday sticks her head in the shot and makes the most ridiculous face. Seriously - while I was watching it, I felt like it was a skit off Saturday Night Live or something. And what adds to the performance (besides the fact that she makes the funniest faces I have ever seen) is that her wig looks like it is going to up and fly off her head with one more shake. I had no idea who Jennifer Holliday was before, but now I am sure I won't forget anytime soon.
Monday morning we went to the Henry Doorly Zoo with Beaner. We had the double stroller loaded down with a cooler of drinks and a diaper bag full of snacks. It was crowded, which we expected since it was Memorial Day and the weather was supposed to be beautiful. We hadn't been to the zoo for 2 years. The last time we went was when Bailey was about 6 or 7 months old, so we were overdue. Both girls enjoyed themselves, Bailey especially. On the drive down to Omaha we practiced the names of all the animals we would see at the zoo. Jah-raff, ell-phants, zebb-rah, lion, piggies... (Yes, my child thought we were going to see pigs at the zoo.) She was getting pretty good. So what if we didn't see elephants and I don't even think they have zebras. She was pumped to see any animal at all.
She liked the petting zoo almost as much as her daddy did. And really, mini goats are freaking adorable. (And while it looks like she is about to backhand this poor little goat, I promise that no animals were abused by us during our time at the zoo.)
The favorite area for both girls was the aquarium. Bailey loved running back and forth chasing after the same penguin as it swam from wall to wall. I don't have many pictures from the zoo because we brought our smaller, lower-quality camera and many just didn't turn out well, but I will post a couple anyway.
Bailey was mesmerized by the jellyfish and would have stood in front of their aquariums all day if we would have let her.
Avery just looked and looked at all the brightly colored fish swimming in front of her. From time to time she would stick out a chubby little finger and point to one as it swam in front of her. (Pointing is our newest trick.) There was also some excited gibberish being said too.
After a long day of walking and pushing a heavy stroller, we were all pooped. I think the family picture we took adequately shows the kinds of moods the girls were in.
Avery = sucking her thumb. Bailey = whiny crying.
Basically summing up why nap time is crucial for small children.
We had a good trip to the zoo and are very thankful Aunt Beaner was there to lend her amazing teacher skills (aka patience with whiny small children). Plus she also took turns pushing our heavy stroller. :) And while it was nice to get out and have plans for the weekend, it was also just as nice to get home, put the kids to bed, and plop down on the couch last night.
The other night I was sitting in the recliner with Bailey on my lap using a flashcard app on the Ipad. This particular one was about clothing. A picture would pop up with the word underneath and Bailey said what it was out loud.
The first one was a pair of jeans.
Pants! she said with confidence.
The next was a baby bonnet.
Hat!
The following one was tennis shoes.
Shoes!
The next item was this picture:
Bailey looked at me thoughtfully and concentrated. Then as it finally came to her she exclaimed
PAPA!
I thought it was pretty creative and technically correct, so I accepted it as an answer. Apparently even Bailey knows that flannel is synonymous with Jeff Ellis.
